Consider this a message I never delivered,
After my last one many years I reconsidered,
Would my hateful departure have left you sad,
Or just carried on happy, deluded and mad.
Countless nights and car journeys spent,
Listening to Brand New and imagining us,
How we were, what we did and where we went,
I guess looking back, it may not have been worth the fuss
But I’d never trade one single memory,
For anything else in this world,
Those times were the happiest in my history,
Saddest as well in tears we both often curled,
Into our knees and prayed to be apart.
But the love kept us together for years to come,
Until the constant flights and calls came undone,
Said I’d pushed you too far but I couldn’t help my anxiety,
That I might lose you and by worrying turned it into reality.
Though laced with regrets and butterflies,
I’ll never forget those summer train rides,
After months apart of torment and lies,
Having that moment so close, calmed turbulent tides.
Late afternoon sun spilling into my carriage,
With my holdall clenched with white fists,
Stomach heaving with imaginings of marriage,
How many times I wanted to propose after written lists,
Painted onto paper to balance our joint future hope,
Too bad neither of us could cope.
Two stops away and the anticipation drove me crazy,
Just one stop now until Bayreuth and her waiting lips,
Can’t sit any longer as I march around listening to Daisy,
I see golden hair waving, leap onto the platform and into your hips.